How do you see your value?

For many, it's directly tied to their job title, productivity, and achievements.

That checklist we were handed at birth by society — to fulfill.

You work tirelessly, chasing the next promotion, revenue milestone, or follower count, hoping that finally—you'll feel valuable.

That you'll BELONG.

That you’ll be SEEN.

But what if this “productivity" is just "workaholism" in disguise?

We blame corporate America, hustle culture, capitalism... but the truth?

👉 It's us. We struggle to detach.

And this attachment?

It keeps us living in the mind — away from the present, the NOW.

So, within a blink, life passes us by.

1️⃣ My Story: The Moment I Attached My Worth to "Success"

At 15, I was kicked out of my home by my stepdad.

In that moment, I made a vow:

"I will never depend on anyone. I will make it on my own."

I built my life around external success markers—money, titles, and the next milestone.

For years, I pushed myself harder, thinking that once I achieved enough, I would finally feel safe. Valuable. Enough.

Once one dream would be fulfilled — I would set my bar higher. There was no limit.

And guess what?

This didn’t exactly give me the love I desired.

It took me a decade to realize:

👉 I wasn't working for just financial stability

👉 I wasn't even working for joy

👉 I was working to feel WORTHY

Maybe your story isn't as extreme.

But if you've ever felt like your work is who you are—then you know the feeling.

Especially, when that job or career is gone — What do you identify with?

2️⃣ Instead of Facing Ourselves and Our Emotions — We Channel Them into Work

Many people turn to work when something in life doesn't work out.

A breakup. A loss. A deep feeling of loneliness.

Instead of facing those emotions, they channel energy into work—a pursuit that society rewards.

To prove. To distract. To numb.

The result?

👉 You reinforce the belief that success = self-worth.

It's easy to ignore when things are going well.

But then? A layoff. A failed business. A missed promotion.

And suddenly—you don't just lose the job.

You lose yourself.

3️⃣ Why Overattachment is a Trap Society Sets Out for Us (And Why It’s So Hard to Avoid)

From the moment we're kids, we're taught that achievement equals value.

🏆 Your school: "Yay! You got into Stanford!"

💼 Your parents: "Awesome, you're a doctor now!"

🚀 The media: "Look at this 25-year-old running a $25M company!"

The world whispers, "Attach your identity to your job title. Then you'll be happy."

And we listen.

We grind. We chase. We build.

Until one day, we wake up and wonder, Why do I still feel empty?

It doesn’t help that there’s a game like “action and reward”.

Extra bonus = nicer car

Higher salary = bigger house

Online business = remote freedom

And so on…

But it’s like a sugar high and a sugar crash

4️⃣ The Dangers of Tying Your Identity to Work

1. You only see one version of success.

Discipline and focus are necessary to achieve goals. But if you never zoom out, you may end up climbing the wrong mountain.

Or spending your life working in a job or industry you don’t actually enjoy…

You become so hyper-focused on career goals that you forget to step back and ask, "Do I even want this version of success?"

2. You keep reinforcing that your worth = your work.

Your happiness becomes dependent on:

✓ The next promotion

✓ The next funding round

✓ The next revenue milestone

It never stops.

You're now a well-oiled machine in the capitalist system—measuring your self-worth in numbers.

And still feeling like you're not enough.

3. You're more vulnerable to burnout.

When work is your only identity, everything else shrinks.

Your health. Your relationships. Your creativity.

If you pour everything into one identity, and that identity collapses?

You have nothing to hold onto.

4. You’re less resilient to change

A layoff, a failed business, an unexpected career shift — if your identity is only tied to your job, these moments feel like losing yourself.

If your worth is tied to being a "Product Manager at Google," getting laid off can leave you spiraling, wondering, "Who am I without this job?"

If your identity is built on the success of your startup, what happens if the business fails? Or even if it succeeds and you exit? What now?

I see this happen over and over again.

People check all the boxes, get the dream job, build the company, and make the money, only to wake up and feel empty.

So how do you break free?

5. Your life becomes one-dimensional

If your entire identity is built around work, other parts of you don’t have space to grow — your relationships, creativity, or even your ability to slow down and enjoy life.

5️⃣ What You Can Do To Break Free

👉 1. Detach from your current identity.

You'll go through many identities in life.

📌 Graduate of X university

📌 Engineer at Meta

📌 Founder of Y company

📌 Parent, partner, leader, artist, creator

It's normal to attach. But you must also learn to detach.

Ask yourself: "Who am I beyond this title?"

👉 2. ZOOM OUT! See life as a theater play (where you're just playing different roles).

One of my biggest "Aha" moments happened in New York.

I stood in my friend's Williamsburg apartment, looking over the bridge, thinking, How did we create all of this?

From forests and rivers to skyscrapers and full industries.

We are builders. We create stories. And we get to choose new ones.

• You are more than one identity.
• You are more than one chapter.
• You can reinvent and create over and over again.

Your career will go through phases. You will play different roles in life. Don’t let one identity define you forever.

👉 3. Reconnect with the parts of you that never change.

When you're fully immersed in work, you stop seeing yourself outside of it.

You must actively relearn who you are:

💡 Ask yourself:

• "What do I love about myself that has nothing to do with work?"
• "Who was I as a teenager, and what did I love most?"

💡 Ask your friends & family:

• "What do they love about me that has nothing to do with my job?"
• "How can I help you? Or what can you count me on?"

The people who truly know you don't care about your title.

They care about who you are.

• The one who makes them laugh.
• The one who plays guitar like a rockstar.
• The one who shows up with the best holiday dish.
• They love you for things that can't be measured.

I can guarantee you that no one in my life cares if I’m a Product Manager. They are happy for me, sure! Some people ask how to switch into tech.

But most of all, anyone close to me wants to see me happy and to be a healthy person they enjoy a conversation and dinner with.

Actually, when I started being the truest versions of me that I hid from the world like:

• Writing this newsletter
• Studying health, wellness, psychology, etc
• Making art

People who have known me all my life would say, “Oh hey, you were always like this…painting…talking about philosophy till 4 am…this isn’t a surprise.”

So, what would not be a surprise to the people who know you best?

Who are you when you’re left completely alone, with nothing to distract you and nothing to “do”?

👉 4. Value yourself for things that don't need approval.

Yes, achievement feels good. But what about the things that don't require applause?

✓ Your kindness

✓ Your ability to listen

✓ Your creativity

✓ Your love for adventure

✓ The way you care for the people around you

Let go of the need for external validation.

The most valuable parts of you — your kindness, your presence, and your creativity- don’t need a performance review.

Derive your self-esteem from these.

Because if you do...

📌 No job, title, or circumstance can take your identity away.

📌 You won't need external validation to feel worthy.

📌 You'll move through life getting to know your real self, stripped away from influence.

👉 5. Create multiple sources of fulfillment.

Neuroscience shows that diversity in experiences builds resilience. Invest in relationships, hobbies, learning, and personal growth so that when one area of life shifts, you don’t feel lost.

👉 6. Embrace freedom from external identities.

Look around.

• YouTube influencers didn't exist 20 years ago.
• Product marketing manager wasn't a job 50 years ago.
• Some people don't even know what a Product Manager is today.

Society is constantly cooking up new identities for us to chase.

What's trending today won't matter tomorrow.

As a matter of fact, we are already seeing this today!!! What is AI? Who is a prompt engineer?

The need to catch up with a changing society and the new roles is right before our eyes.

And it will only accelerate.

If you let your identity be defined by what's temporary, you will always feel lost when society expects you to change — to find a new role to play.

But if you build your self-worth on who you truly are—outside of work, outside of titles, outside of achievements—you will be free.

Your job can change. Your career can evolve. The world can force a change.

But your essence stays the same.